A Tribute to Merv - the Wake

Posted by Merv in a thread appropriately called "Those Good Ole Days at the UPN Bronze" (Dec. 17, 2002)

Bounces into thread.... hiya guys

Well dearie dearie me....

Katt, your faq were a must for newbies and all. I would scream every time I heard...If Buffy was killed why is she the etc etc... all anyone had to do was to point them to your faq

Oh, and by the way if it is of any interest, we were talking to Ostroff the CEO of UPN.

Thanks Otts.

I think you said it best with your post about him in the announcement thread, telling of his reaction to the pushing and shoving to get into the new NB threads... lol. And the way he used to lay into the Bezoars at the Bronze; he had such a great way with words.

*hugs* to everyone.

Heya Selz... yep, that pushing and shoving always got a raised eyebrow out of him Wink

And here's a post where he was replying to you re Christmas food in England...

Hiya selz.....

Spose you gonna have Turkey for din dins.... Sok for you posh Londoners

We sum in the country gotta make do withem that we get.....

Thisem brekkie is a thinnie one, no fried slice..itm lumpfish caviar, gravalax and cave brut......

Dins, is pheasant, wabbit, pigeon and deer meat (mebe snuck some partridge) and as it is Christmas and ums isin kind to all peeps, weism habving YORKSHIRE puds.

and I replied to him "Hmmm, Merv, those foods sound, erm... interesting". To which he shared his experience of Canadian food Wink

Otts, I tried a Canadian brekkie eh?

Got a good friend in the Praries, and he sent me some gen-u-ine maple syrup and I had Aunt somebody pancakes and bacon and smothered in syrup.........

umm, not an experience i would try again

Yup, it is interesting as usually we have plain smoked salmon but this gravalax got dill weed on it.

LOL. A lot of the time I didn't actually know what he was on about. Embarassed And I think he knew, because he really used to tease me. Laughing

Selzie - yup, our Merv was one helluva character Wink he called me "Beaubum" because I'd once posted, at the old Red Bordello (a thread on the UPN Bronze) a picture of me with the French caption "Beau bonhomme" (which means "handsome hunk"). Henceforth I was "the Beaubum" to him Laughing

Well, going for a nap, folks... will post more by Merv tonight.

Oh boy, just remembered. When I first started posting at the UPN Bronze, he insisted on calling me Alka (as in Alkaseltzer)... he did that for ages until I felt like he didn't like me and was forever making fun of me, so I told him off and he stopped. Laughing

*mourning the dearly beloved otter* Sad Sad I wish I had gotten to know him before it was too late...

Another post by Merv... this time in a discussion about Boxing Day tradition... in characteristic Merv wit... Wink

Not true Tallian...the old customs are not ignored.

I always give the servants their "Box" on the 26th (and my old jumpers if they are still warm).

You are correct about no food; that is because I am sympathetic and give Cook the afternoon off to visit with her family. I can't say this is true with all my friends as some of them would Languish if they didn't have their salad, "as cook always does it"

To Selz's reply that she knew for a fact he did *not* have servants since he had told her he "lived in a cardboard box and clean the streets with your tongue for a living"...

Umm I can so have servants, that's because; even though I live in a cardboard box and clean road wit tongue... I work real hard by gettting up 1/2 an hour before I go to bed.

*waves at OTTS* Hi there!

I'm an Alt-Bronzer, formerly an Original Apollo Bronzer, so bear with me as I navigate the place. Smile

what to say about our otter? I loved him....well, I still do, his not being here anymore does not change how we feel about him. He was funny, he was sweet, and he was fierely protective of those he cared about.

November 2001 I went to Seattle to meet up with paulos, 'Arry, 12xalt and Briar Rose (from the Apollo Bronze). I had never met any of them in person, and paulos and I were (and still are) sweet on each other. When I told merv, he got all flustered and worried as only he could. He spent a great many days talking to me about my trip, making sure that I was sure I wanted to go, that I would be safe. It just made me smile to know he cared that much about me.

What made me laugh about him the most was his obsession with all things food! *lol* No matter what we would talk about, he would bring up food somewhere. He would always blush when he got loving from the ladies. So we gave him more. hehehe

But the thing I will remember most about him is how he would greet me when we would be on the board at the same time, or when we would meet up on MSN:

COOOOOOEEEEEEEE!!!! *hugssnugglewigglekissygigglecuddlesmooch!*

Angelnurse - welcome to Hellmouth Central, and thanks for coming to contribute to our tribute. Very Happy

To support my story about Merv and the rush to be first in new NB threads... once in February 2003 he came in and I said:

MERV!!! Long time no see!

And as you can see, we've all given up all that unseemly pushing and shoving to be first. HEY, I'M GAINING ON LONE!

To which he replied:

Ah ha Otts mon brave..The idea is understatement...the fewer the posts the more cerebral......

Of course, Merv himself wasn't above a little competition, and the HMC Awards gave him ample opportunity for fun:

Ooh er, I see that I'm only up for 7 Hellies Awards whereas Otts is only up for 3.... well there is some justice in the world I see...not that I'm pushy.....

Well you know. Wink

He always spoke well of this place, and of the people here.

I'm just a big ole creature of habit. *lol* I could never get the hang of the UPN Bronze, no matter how hard I tried. And the Bronze Beta just confused me. must have been all the bleach.

We spent a lot of time talking about life in general. He was ever so proud of me when I went back to school and went from angelgirl to angelnurse. He loved to hear about the fiascos of school, and of work when I got into my field, though I think he loved hearing about my experiences when I worked at Domino's Pizza.....see? Again with the food! *giggle*

You're right, Bronze Beta is somewhat baffling... and that's why we hung out at the UPN Bronze, where we could make threads (which was easier). At first Merv jokingly took exception to my name, saying *he* was the only otter in the place Wink And then he said, some time at HMC, about my hometown... And what is Gratineau? Some kind of cake? Hehe, again with the food...

Over at the old UPN Bronze Merv used to chide me about my handle...
and always made reference to "cubed carrots".

In fact, he just called me "cubed carrot retch". LOL No "w"-- just "retch"...
as in "hurling up" "cubed carrots".

Wretch - This from July 31, 2003... Oooh er, thanks guys

To think I share a Birthday wit Dia!

Hope you all are well and will make huge efforts to post a little more.

Long time no see Zack; and keep the carrots cubed Retch old chum.

Will pop over to the Beta Dogmeat and thanks

Thanks Otts.

Too bad we cant access the old Bronze. Boy were there some good times there.

Tosses Jamesons back - smashes glass in fireplace

*imitates Wretch, but with a glass of martini*

*CRASH the glass in the fireplace*

Hey, guys... hope you don't mind if I spam the place a bit with anecdotes of my favorite otter! Smile

My first memory of merv would be back in the Apollo Bronze threaded when he would post as one of the Alternative Watchers... helping enforce rules and guidelines and welcoming "newbies". I swear, that man had the patience of Job. I only saw him get semi-testy with one poster (a new person)... and that was after they had spammed the board and persisted in doing so... of course, "testy" for merv was to say something like, "hey, thurr... now don't be wearing out the 'reply' button so it doesn't work for everyone else!" Laughing

Another thing that sticks out in my mind when I think of merv is when I was gathering, compiling and producing Bronzer Bytes - A Collection of Recipes from Bronzers for Bronzers back three - almost four - years ago.

I had advertised it for MONTHS - asking for submissions from any and all who wanted to participate. The goal was to have an entire BOOK - bound and covered with individual copy numbers - for just the price of printing and shipping.

Well, without hesitation, merv sent three fantastic recipes: A Veggie Tunisian Dish, Guy Fawke's Parkin (a truly traditional item from his homeland) and Naughty Banana Pudding.

Merv included a warning and suggestion with the Tunisian Dish that when eating it, one should cut holes in a plastic bag and wear it as a shirt in order to eat it without staining one's clothes. In my head, I had this visual of a guy with a goofy grin, slurping off of a plate wearing nothing but a garbage bag. Smile

I raised my eyebrows out of confusion for what a Guy Fawke's Parkin could possibly be. He later sent a detailed account for me, a silly American, so I could be 100% in the know about such things.

But, most of all, I thought my eyeballs would pop out of their sockets when I realized the exact layout for the Banana Pudding... no WONDER he called it Merv's Naughty Banana Pud! =P~ He included a disclaimer at the beginning of the recipe that said: "This is sort of a phallic pud. Don't let the moms out there see it..." Boy, and he wasn't KIDDING! => And yet, in traditional merv fashion, he had described everything so cleverly, I actually had to diagram the thing before I "got it"! *snerk* I guess it's a good thing that I'm a whiz with anatomy... Laughing

There were many times, in the old Bronze, where a group of friends would gather together to flirt and double entendre our way through some tricky conversations.

It started off very simply with one or two people... then, before we knew it, there were a bunch of us. We all had "fruit" names and were able to use food in metaphor for our more "adult" conversations. (Again with the food - hmmm... I'm seeing a THEME here! *wink*)

Anyway, merv started jumping in to participate and by the end of our conversations, we'd usually end up somehow doing a little *wiggle, wiggle* in some whipped cream and/or other toppings in the "Fruit Bowl"... boy do I miss THOSE flirty days!!!

(Welcome to HMC Jynx & angel nurse)

I never got to know Merv that well (being a latecomer to online fandom), but he was always so friendly and open that I was sure I must know him better than I thought and that my brain was just betraying me again. What I can say about Merv is that he has really touched the lives of people all around the world. I've seen so much proof that people can do amazing good in the way the online fan communities have rallied around him. To touch that many lives in such a strong was is truly the mark of life lived with great meaning.

I don't really know what to say.

I didn't know him. I might have met him once or twice, but what fiatlux said about having touched lives is true and so I wanted to come and offer condolences.

and hugs ...

another Bronze Alter popping over,
Sun

And, most recently, after he was diagnosed with his illness, he and I were talking about junk food. I offered to send him a "care package" full of different American goodies such as Twinkies and Pop Rocks so that he could say he at least had the opportunity to try some of those things he had always heard of, but never tasted. At first, he declined because he didn't want to be a burden. But, later, I was able to convince him and I sent two packages CHOCK FULL of goodies for him to try: Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Cupcakes, Hostess Cherry Pies, Snowballs, macadamia nuts from Hawaii, animal cookies - the kind with the white and pink frosting, pop rocks, peanut butter, Hershey's Kisses and Hugs, Pop Tarts, CrackerJacks and Corn Nuts.

Somehow, mind you, I had skipped right over the memory of him having had a stomach bypass surgery in December... so, when he got the package, he laughed hard as he said it would take him forever to eat it all... I offered the quip that it just meant that he'd need to stay around a loooong time so he COULD try it all. Smile

Anyway, he mentioned that he was hoping it was okay to put a bunch of items together to take to the hospice center he'd chosen to be in when it came time for him to need more regular care. He had wanted to share what I had sent as a "Jynx American Plate" of sorts with others in his similar position. That was just like merv - to want to share the wealth and joy al around to all. (Of course, I was honored that he wanted to share - but I DID remind him to PLEASE let those nice people know that those WEREN'T our gourmet items... *eg*)

Well, after a week or so, he responded back on his taste test. He loved the Twinkies, CrackerJacks and "corn gone wrong" (Corn Nuts)... he said he was still trying to figure out how to eat a Twinkie like Xander had in the Inca Mummy Girl episode... *wink*

Now Jynxie

Cracker Jacks are part of our national pastime- in the song and everything! And pop rocks have their own urban legend.

*wonders if Merv ate them with Coke*

You know, my mom STILL will not do that.

*sigh*

Sun

Just one more entry for tonight... then I'll try to come back tomorrow with more. (This is definitely helping me... I don't know about you, but the laughs are what I remember most with merv and it's only fitting that I can retell these stories and be reminded of my lucky stars for having met our merv.)

I emailed merv to wish a "Happy New Year". He responded back with the same wishes and reported that he was sipping Moet Vintage Champagne and having a whopping great Lobster for his tea... he did love his fine foods. Smile

He then joked about not having to save his pennies for old age... he was a positive person. Even when facing this biggest challenge.

It struck me as amazing when he said that he didn't have a prognosis yet (at that time) for life expectancy but that he had hoped to make it to the New Year and had... so he was living every moment he could and was hoping for a chance to stay around much longer.

It was his strong and positive outlook and upbeat sense of humor - even in hardship - that made me lurve his guts... Smile

Thanks for the welcome, Fiat! Smile Thank you for your postcard/card contribution... I know it was comforting for our merv!

sun! *Smooch* I know... that's why I sent those goodies. I dunno if he actually tried them with coke or not! *wink* Glad to see you popping in here... Smile

I didn't know Merv all that well, only spoke to him a handful of times over at UPN, I didn't even have my own computer then so net time was limited, but one particular thing that I remember was a conversation we having about nothing reall, and when I said I has to log off, he asked what I had planned for the evening, when I told him I had planned to go shopping he proceded to give me his own shopping list of things ranging from toiletries to green trouser socks. (which was a poke at me) so Of course that made me laugh.
'can I get a meep meeeep in honor of Merv? Wink
*big hugs everyone*

I only talked to Merv a few times over on the Bronze and he was always helpful, sweet and witty. I really appreciated him jumping in to try and calm things when matters went 'wonky' over there. The points he made in a thread were always good and concise. He was like a warm and cuddly security blanket. I liked him and I will miss him. I am just grateful to know that he passed with little pain and that he was "Merv" to the very end...in command of his faculties. God bless him. I'm glad that I got to know him a little.

The absolute best post by Merv I've found up to now... Very Happy

Hi guys.. big hugssssss..........

Umm, there seems to be something wrong with the hellies awards notice.......

I don't figure in it....FIX! FIX!

umm, maybe cos I wasn't nominated? FIX FIX!!

I've been debating with myself for quite a while noe if I should do this or not. I've mostly stayed out of these threads and just read other people's posts about Merv, and I gotta say, reading what all of you have to say about him has led me to the conclusion that if there's one person I'm sorry I didn't get to meet, it's Merv. I mean, in stead of talking about his death, Merv has got people to talk about his life and how he's touched theirs. All this without even meeting them. You've GOT to be special to accomplish that.

Merv, I've never spoken a single word with you, face to face or online, and I really wish it wasn't so. You've had such an impact that you got strangers wishing they'd known you...God, I suck at this...I guess what I'm trying to say is...way to go. You sound like a truly great guy. May you rest in peace.

Sincerely as hell (and with apologies for the lameness),
Dor Lapidot

I've been thinking about Merv and talking to Merv so much over the last 3 to 4 months... every time I try to write something here... I just can't... but I'm gonna try again with the most recent thing that happened...

Back in November, Merv contacted me and told me about his upcoming surgery. We email several time that weekend before and chatted... Then he was offline for 2 weeks due to the surgery and recovery... when he was finally able to get back online he emailed me (early December) and told me the prognosis... Cancer... I was devistated... my daughter was very concerned, she knew that I was talking to Merv weekly. She wanted to do something to cheer me up... she's an artist... quite a good one actually... she knew that Merv was our otter... so she drew me a picture of an otter swimming... she had never seen Merv's ava before... when she showed it to me, I was stunned... it looked almost exactly like his ava... she drew this freehand without looking at any pictures (it is of course the pic that's in my siggy)... it was beautify and perfect... and it did make me smile and cry at the same time... I asked if I could take a pic and send it to Merv... she said after she'd painted... so over Christmas, she painted it in watercolor... I took a pic of it and emailed it to Merv... I got a reply from him that very day... he was giggling, as only Merv can giggle... he was so happy, he loved the pic and he said "She even got the clam right!"

We emailed back and forth several times about that clam... he really liked it...

Merv got me into being a Board Watcher at the UPN Bronze and I worked with him as a Board Watcher along with Nat, Dog and several others for about 9 months. We had some great times... during that time we found out that we shared the same birthday... I think he was as surprised and happy as I was to finally find someone else with that particular date... it seems that no one else in the world was born then... well, except Harry Potter... LOL... so, for the past 2 years we've had our b-day party together in the NB thread...

Another thing I remember were Merv's special wiggles & hugs

I also want to let everyone who wrote messages to Merv in his threads, that I was able to get them to him and he read them and appreciated all your thoughts... it really helped keep up his spirits especially towards the end...

Tony, that was beautiful. I have a lump in my throat.

I didn't know Merv, but it is obvious from the affection you all held for him that he was a person who made a difference. Such people are rare and they are always missed. God bless him.

"Goodbye My Friend"

written by Karla Bonoff
© 1988 Seagrape Music (BMI)

Oh we never know where life will take us
I know it's just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
It's okay now
Goodbye my friend

I've seen a lot things that make me crazy
And I guess I held on to you
We could've run away and left well maybe
But it wasn't time and we both knew

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the love you gave me through all the years
Will take away these tears
I'm okay now
Goodbye my friend

Life's so fragile and love's so pure
We can't hold on but we try
We watch how quickly it disappears
And we never know why

But I'm okay now
Goodbye my friend
You can go now
Goodbye my friend

Almost 24 hours and still going...

Once, there was a thread made about whether HMC was a fun and welcoming place or not. Merv insisted on weighing in with his own brand of humor...

Everybody is absolutely beastly to me and never laugh at my jokes. And they make fun of my whiskas and say that I'm dead fishy..It's not my fault that my tummy is white! And,and that bully Selze has not sent me a mail for months and prolly doesn't love me any more "sniff".

I think I'm going to leave this board as the "hug" qotient has fallen dramtically..you only get 1 or 2 a minute whereas you used to get loads... and I have not been offered an humbug for ages "sob"

droops off message board...'spose too much to ask for a hug from Life's A Show. "snivel"

A Special Song for Merv:

I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
’til the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing cause i’ve
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing cause i’ve
Built my life around you
Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too
I get older, too

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down

I have been debating whether I should post or not. I knew of Merv talked to him only in passing at the UPN Bronze. Always thought he was a decent guy anyone who would take it upon themselves to try and keep that place peaceful and take the abuse that came with it, had to be someone special. I can honestly say that I never saw a post by him that was ever anything but humorous and friendly. Even while dealing with characters that did not always show him the same respect he always handled every situation with an unbelievable amount of class. One of the few who always treated everyone with a great deal of human kindness even when he probably really shouldn’t have.

With that said, I understand, completely sympathize, and send my condolences to Mervs family, friends, and the people whose lives he touched just through words. But, I honestly can believe we haven’t lost a friend and a great man, we have gained an angel. An angel that will watch, protect, and try to bring peace to all the same way he did in life. Just without the wires and keyboard holding him back.

How I loved him...as I know we all did. Merv was such a special person. He was one of the first people I talked to at New Beginnings. He made me feel so welcome, and made me feel that New Beginnings was a friendly place that a newby like me need not fear. He gave me advice and helped me more times than I can count.

What I'll always remember most were all the attempts I (and others who shall remain nameless) made to flirt with our dear otter, just to see him blush. And of course, I'll never forget those special wiggles of his.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't make friends online. Merv was a friend to us all...one we will never forget.

Val hun - Happy to see you online Very Happy thanks for dropping by.

The last post by Merv at HMC was on Nov. 22, 2003...

Hi guys, love you.

I am out of hospital on a days release because of the seriousness of my illness. I have a massive operation on Monday 24th GMT. (Life or Death).

I am determined to beat it. But guys, it will be easier if I have the thoughts and wishes of all my friends.

Dia hun. Can you spread the word please.

I can't stop as my time is strictly monitored.

Know I love you all and bigggest hugs and special wiggles.

He did beat it, in his own way. The cancer could never steal the essence of who he was, what he left with us, what he remains, somewhere out there - his words, his wisdom, his joyfulness have not ceased to exist.

I'll keep this thread going as an announcement for as long as there are people who want to post in it. Some people have not yet learned of Merv's passing and will perhaps want to pay their respects.

My dear friend, going through what you posted at HMC, I rediscovered who you are, and why I had gone numb at the news of your death suddenly was not a mystery anymore... It aches to know that this thread about you will soon fall quiet, time will pass, we will go back to our daily life, and you will not be there... but I know you'll be watching, and that everytime we smile at a memory from the old Bronzes, you won't be far.

Goodbye, Merv mon brave.

This is from the email I sent to Dia from her email. Being on the road in the middle of moving, I have only gotten a sec or two to get online...but for Merv, I wanted to get on here....

Ty Dia for emailing this as well as I'm sure you posted it at HMC. Since I'm in the process of moving, I've only had a chance to get on to check email's once a day if that.

I'm sorry to hear that Merv has passed away, but I know he is in a better place, and very thankful that he didn't have pain in the end. I lost one of my best friends several years ago to Leukemia which she had been born with. She knew, as it seemed Merv did, that it was time to move on. It isn't an easy time, especially for someone that was loved so dearly. And for those left behind we can only wonder 'why.' Why take such a kind and considerate person over those in the world who do not deserve to be here.

And although I'm not religious, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And obviously, someone like Merv, and like my friend Renee, they are needed for far greater things than we can even think to understand or comprehend at this time.

One day we will meet again with Merv, and oh the stories I'm sure he will have for us! Until that time...I wish him a safe journey, and I know he will be looking down on us, watching us, and smiling upon us from above...probably even yelling at us wondering what the heck we are doing...lol...sigh...

TY Otts for that...he was a big supporter of that FAQ and of many other things that we NBers did to help make it easier for the Newbies to feel welcome around us oldies....

Merv always had a smile, and a kind word for all...no matter how the person may have irratated him he never let it show...

I'm not sure if he made it to the Atlanta convention...but I dearly wish I would have went now...To never have met such a great person as him...things happen for a reason though...I will forever hold true to that

My friend dina and I knew merv from the Apollo board (as some of you know).

The thing that made us laugh the most about the otter-man was his tendency to *sniff* at you if he thought you weren't paying enough attention to him. *lol*

It was all just a ruse to get more snuggles and wiggles from all his "lurverly ladies". heehee

Katt - One thing I noticed going through Merv's posts is that he had a little something nice or cute to say about almost everyone. Me, Selz, Wretch, you, Fiat, Dia, Life's A Show, a lot of people...

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand .
[image]

I wasn't going to post this... it was in my blog and I thought that was enough. But since others have shared songs, I guess I might as well do so too.

As many of you know, I gave a large (and for me, rather daunting) solo concert last night as part of finishing my Master's Degree... this song was on the program and I dedicated it to Merv and those who miss him:

Pieta:The Silence and the Sorrow
Liam Lawton

Who will come and share my sorrow,
hold my heart ‘til wake tomorrow?
Is there time that I could borrow?
Oh, oh, the silence and the sorrow.

When love was young, I cried with tears of laughter;
And deep inside I wondered what came after,
How a heart could love without conditions –
It was found in you.

When life was young and living seemed forever,
I knew somehow you never hid its pleasure,
And all my tears uncovered hidden treasures –
Love was found in you.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me,
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
for ever.

(Psalm 23 - A psalm of David. Holy Bible NIV)

He was sweet and funny and very kind. Good-bye, my furry, little otter friend.

Otts: I agree...and he could turn any conversation or situation around with his quips on what was being said. A neverending humor that I always admired about him. And as angelnurse said, he would turn it around in such a joking way to get him even more snuggles than he was already getting...lol...

Does anyone know if Gabe knows about Merv yet? If not, I'll get in touch with him. I'm sure he'll want to add words as well.

Katt - I think Dia was going to get in touch with Gabe, but if you can do it too, it would be appreciated. She has a lot to think about.

Np Otts...and it will definitely get through to him if several of us catch him...I'll do it right away.