ok, ongoing story...

Halfrek. She nasked him to hand the phone to spike. When he picked up, she told him....

..."Spike? Something's wrong. Buffy told me to call you. Yeah, she's fine. Well, you see... what? How comes that I'm alive? Well... I don't have time to explain it right now! Something big's coming. I've seen it. Yeah... you see, what happens is that..."

*change of voice into big deep growl*

I'm going to eat you all alive and spit out your bones.

Spike puts down the phone and says...

... "She was so much nicer back in the day, but there's just something about the spitting of bones that gets a vampire all hot."

Angel walked out of the office and bumped into...

Lorne.....

"Oh, glad I bumped into you there angelcakes. Listen, ol' blue is on the warpath, and I think..."

"Deal with it Lorne" said Angel, cutting off the anagogic (sp?) demon "There's someone I need to see right now."

With that Angel continued down the hall towards the elevator.

"You know! I don't recall being a demon god king's baby sitter as part of the deal when I took this gig!" Yelled Lorne at Angel, who was already getting in the elevator.

Angel shrugged back at Lorne as the doors closed in front of him "It'll look good on a resume though"

"It'll look good on a resume though....." said Lorne, mocking Angel under his breath "I don't get paid enough for this..."

Meanwhile...

In Wesley's office there seems to have been an accident....

...because Illyria just ate all the things in Wesley's desk. Wesley just walked in the room when Illyria was devouring the last paper in the table.
"F***K! ILLYRIA... oh... dammit... those were important letters! Why did you ate them anyway? They just came in this morning!! I didn't even read them... but they were from-..."

"...a television network called the WB. Apparently, they were of the utmost importance!" Exclaimed Wes.

"This shell requires fiber if it is to stay regular....the texts upon your desk were a readily available source." Said Illirya, licking her fingers.

"Alright" Said Wes "If you are going to live in this world, you can't go around eating people's mail!"

"Explain." Commanded Illirya.

"There's really nothing to explain...you just don't do that. Look, lets go to the super market and we can go get you some real food, alright?" Suggested Wes.

"Super....mar-ket?" Said Illirya looking confused.

Just then...

Gunn...

awlked into Wesley's office with a half chewed paper in his hand. "OH MY GOD!! Someone ate the Summers' file!! Angel gonna be so pissed"...Illyria...

*NOT PART OF THE STORY*

Wasn't there already a thread like this?

...looked at him and said "Summers?"
Wesley said "Mhm... Summers is the last name of one of Angel's friends..."
"But you told me it was a season", replied Illyria.
"Well, it is also a season."
"Explain", said Illyria.
"Ok, well, you see... it can be both a last name and a season.", explained Wesley.
"Confusing."
Then Angel entered in Wesley's office...

...And took the paper out of Gunn's hand. "What's this?" He looked at the name which said Ummers, Buff He got pissed. "Who the hell this piece of paper? and Why?"

"Well, you see, Illyria needed-" Wesley was cut off by Angel strangling Illyria.

"You idiot! You don't eat paper!" Angel was screaming at her. "i wanna know about Buffy!"

Just then, Illyria...

Hoofed Angel 'south of the border'. Angel crumpled to the ground in pain.

"GEEZ WES!! DID YOU TEACH HER TO DO THAT?!?" Said Angel, who was clearly in pain.

"No actually," replied Wes calmly adjusting his specs "Not quite sure where she picked that one up..."

"Uh, right" said Spike walking up to see Angel on the ground "the li'el* misses discovered that one on 'er own durin' one of our li'el trainin' sessions mate..."

(*"li'el" is really weird, phoenetical spelling of "little" being spoken with a british accent)

"The male anatomy amuses me..." Said Illirya looking down at Angel who was slowly getting back to his feet.

Angel got back to his feet and dusted off his coat just as there was a knock on the door....

"What the HELL is it Harm? Can't you see I'm busy here?" says Angel

"Yes I can see boss but it's realllllllllly important.....

"Damn it what now?" said an un patitient and in serious pain Angel.

"Well boss I...I...I acidentaly ate Eve" Harm finally blurts out "I am so so so sorr..."

She is cut off by Angel "So, whats so bad about that?" Angel asked's "That actually great in fact Harm just for doing that your getting premoted to an office not just a desk in the lobby someone go get to work on that right now."

"Gee thanks boss" Says the cheerfull vampire.

What Harmony didn't tell him though that she didn't just eat Eve....she turned her as well....stupidly!

*Eve rises*......

(yay!)

"Aw, hell. why´s Eve trying to eat Gunn, and what is with the paper eating? We using a new substitue for cornflakes Angel? Dig into your pockets a little. Tight fisted..." Lorne was cut off by a scream from a W&H worker outside as Eve tried to eat her.

"Can someone deal with that?" Angel called from the ground.
"You are weak and easy to break." Illyria said with pleasure.
"Illyria?"
she turned to Spike.
"Shut the fuck up." he rolled his eyes, then rapidly left when Illyria looked as though she would knee him too....

Wesley sighed. "Harmony, will you please deal with Eve. Illyria, stop with the paper-eating... Gunn, take your fangs out of Mrs Keats. GUNN?!!!"

Gunn turns toward Wesley (in game face blood dripping off of lips ready to atack) when....

Spike delivers a vicious clothes-line to Gunn knocking him out cold.

"Sorry mate...that probably hurt you more than it hurt me. So what should we do about ol' Charlie now?" asked Spike.

"I don't know..." said Angel looking intently at Gunn.

"Uh...well," interrupted Lorne "if you ask me, I think some shackles and a muzzle are in order."

"Agreed" replied Wes "We don't want any vampires wrecking havoc all over this building..."

Angel and Spike both shot a cold look at Wesley. After an awkward silence Wes spoke up. "The kind without souls, of course..."

down in the W&H vaults, Gunn awoke, chained up. He had no idea what was going on, but he was hungry. Wesley came out of the shadow´s and knealt a few feet away from him.

"Gunn?"

Gunn couldn´t help but stare at Wesley´s neck. He cud hear the pulse echoing through the room.

"I´m going to help you" the ex watcher said.

Gunn licked his lips but Wesley didn´t seem to notice. Gunn appeared to look faint. Wes leaned toward him.

"Gunn? What is it? what do you want?"

Gunn grabbed Wes and vamped. "To eat you...."

cunningly concealed in Wes' brown coat was his shotgun. He fired at Gunn at very short range and Gunn went to ground...and stayed there for a very long tme..The rest of the team chained him up until they could figure out what to do with him....

"Hmph...well that went well I suppose..." said Spike sarcastically "what now chief?" he asked, looking at Angel.

"I will end him quickly" interrupted Illirya, moving towards Gunn.

"No!" Said Angel, holding Illirya back "No one is going to 'end' anybody! Look, we can turn him back....all we need is the blood of a Morah Demon."

"Of course....now, where do you suppose we could find one of those?" asked Wes.

Milk out of coconuts and mangos.

All of a sudden Kennedy begins to choke....

...., blood spurting as she coughs. S Kennedy passes out, Willow...

beckons Oz over from the back of the hut.....

and they make wild monkey... er, werewolf... love for hours while Kennedy dies before going to Russia to....

find Riley.....who is stationed out there....unfortuneately his wife passed away in a struggle with a Fyarl demon...the mucus paralysed her.

They find Riley.....

having passionate cookies with a Yeti. "Hi guys, this is Karla, my new wife" Riley said, gesturing to the Yeti. WHo looked VERY pregnant, "She's having two perfect twins" Willow and Oz looked at him with horror before....

Throwing up all over the carpet for 12 minutes....

"Hey what's wrong guys?" says Riley.

*hurl,HURL*

"Nothing man....it's.....sweet..." says Oz.

"Thanks man....coz we are renewing our vows soon, coz Yeti ceremonies have to be done evry two years, and i want you two to come. It's being held......

in an hour"

"Um sorry Riley we can't we something very importan to do." coments Willow

"Yeah, um Will?" Oz ask's the witch.

"What?"

"Why are we here in Russia?"

"well we did come to see Riley" she wispers "but that doesn't seem a good idea anymore"

*more loudly*

"We are tracking a demon and it came this way...have you seen it?...WAIT there it is now!! Catch ya later Riley!"

*runs like hell*

Meanwhile.....

Back in LA everone is still stuned at what Buffy says next " Or in stead of both of you we could always do that wresling thing with the oil I sure as hell would enjoy it"

Angel: Huh?

Spike: No bloody way!

Buffy: Yes lets do that and hey whoever loses I will get Willow to bring Cordy back for the loser as a constlateion prize ok lets get started!!! Um we should probley do this in Angel's office.

Angel: She can bring Cordy back???

Buffy: Yeah I think so why?

"Because HE'S IN LOVE WITH HER!!!" Interrupts Spike, pointing his finger at Angel "Yeah, that's right...Angel is in love with Cordelia!"

"Whoa, hey...now, let's not lose our heads here!" replies Angel defensively "Buffy, I have a perfectly good explanation for this..."

"Oh sod off" replies Spike "Buffy, I still love you!"

Buffy looking very angry at Angel speaks up "So...let's here this 'perfectly good explanation' of yours!"

"Uh...well you see, Buff....we...that is, Cordy and me....uh...".....

All of the sudden, Angel explodes in a cloud of dust and purple sparkles. The purple sparkles enter the person that shot him with a crossbow, "Dawn, why'd you do that, now I don't get to watch oil wrasslin'?" Buffy yelled

"Yeah, well your a trampy bitch." the younger Summers retorted before launching herself at Spike and forcing herself upon him with newly aquired super strength. They quickly find a room and make wild werewolf, er... vampire love for 30 seconds. "Is that as long as you can ke-"

"I'm bloody well dead, you right trollop"

MEANWHILE----

Buffy falls to the floor, wailing. Willow and Oz quickly enter, carrying a giant bag of....

potatoes....

"I have a fettish for making my own chips [fries]" Oz says....

After eating chips, Willow and Fred were feeling a little excited. They glanced at each other and they were all over each other making out hardcore faster than you could say "Pylea". This caused Wes to cry uncontrollably

"that should have been me and Fred!"

Illyria morphs into Fred

"it still can".....

The word "threesome" echoed throughout the room. Some were excited, but others were horrified. The decision was still Wesley's.

"I don't understand..."says Wes

"Please reiterate Fred"

"We wrestle on top of you, and then the winner gets to be the first underneath."

Wes still found himself contemplating.

"...Well, I don't know...." said Wes, reluctantly.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN????" Yelled Spike

"Yeah bro" interjected Gunn, who had miraculously turned back into a human "opportunities like this don't come around too often, I say go for it!"

"Oh-ho dude!! Awesome!!!" Exclaimed Connor, who happened by for some reason, pointing at Fred (Illirya) and Willow who were busy tounge wrestling "Hey man, if you don't get in on this, I am!!"

all of a sudden Harmoney interruptes by saying "hey wait if Angel's dusted than I get the day off right?"

"Yeah but where are you going to go on a sunny afternoon you are or have you forgotten still a bloody vampire" Spike insitis.

"Oh well a lot you know dumb ass but I found a another Gem of Amarra so later losers" and with that she bursts out the lobby never to be seen again.

Oh well back to the matters at hand will Wes join in with the two in so making a smart person threesome or will he once again be the odd one out please don't let Connon have any more we already know how ugly thoses senes can get and have we seen the last of our souled broodly vampire Angel and how the hell did Gunn get back back to human tune in for the next post...

*10 minutes earlier*

Gunn snarls as the vampire in him comes out....

Suddenly, Fred morphs into Angel. ::gasp:: Angel tries to figure out why he's intimate with Willow and the situation makes Wesley join in. Harmony then enters the room and throws the gem at Spike, "Your supposed to chase me" Spike puts on the ring and chases Harmony into the sun-light. He returns quickly to find Angel and Wesley humping wildly. Conner flee's, out a 572958376 story window and everyone else is clawing their eyes out when....

Gunn is revolved in a bright light and becomes human...somehow

Gunn looks over his shoulder and notices 4 gypsies

"what the hell?" asked Gunn

"A Ha!" one of the gypsies exclaimed "We got him! Ha ha ha!!! You have been cursed with a soul, vampire! And only a moment of perfect hapiness will free you from the curse! HA NOW YOUR SCREWED!!! BET YOU'RE RACKED WITH GUILT RIGHT?? RIGHT??"

Gunn tries to Vampire-ize....but doesn't.

"You morons, you didn't curse me with a soul. You turned me back into a human!" Said Gunn.

"Awww shit...." replied the gypsy "come on guys, lets go steal some horses" and with that, they left.

Turning his attention to Wes and Angel

"Awww dude! What the f--" Started Gunn

"the level of wrongness in this room right now is off the hizzie" replied Willow

Gunn just looked at Willow with a puzzled look on his face

"...off the hizzie?"