Hero
Airdate: November 30th, 1999.
Guest Starring:
Tony Denman
Anthony Cistaro
Michelle Horn
Lee Arenberg
Sean Gunn
Written by: Howard Gordon & Tim Minear
Directed by: Tucker Gates
Teaser
As we pan around the city, we hear Cordelia describing a commercial for Angel Investigations could be using. We see her cast as they young woman in trouble, walking down a “spooky” street, alone and she narrates: “Danger lurks on every corner.” A goon attacks her with a knife. Her character screams (very badly): “Is there no one who can help me?” Then of course the Hero shot, backlit, steam and all the clichés. The hero quickly incapacitates the goon, while Cordy does the pitch. Zoom in on Angel “And you can count on me, because I’m the Dark Avenger!” We come out of the reverie with Cordy trying to pitch the commercial to Angel, that one commercial could get them out of the financial troubles they’re in. Angel just goes down in the elevator. Doyle walks in and points out to Cordy the problem of advertising a hero who can only come out at night. She gets a brainstorm, they don’t need Angel they need Joe Average: Doyle. And she argues that doing this commercial will bring Angel out of his funk and back to killing.
ACT I
Cordy’s taping the commercial in the AI office, Doyle reading off badly written cue cards behind Cordelia. The taping is pretty bad, and Doyle’s projecting a weasel image according to Cordy. She’s feeling really helpless with all of Angel’s non-profit brooding.
Doyle goes down to Angel’s apartment, who’s working out his frustrations on a punching bag. Angel confesses to him that Buffy was here, for a whole day and night and recounts what happened, about how they don’t belong to each other, they belong to the world of fighting. Doyle states that he would of chosen pleasures of the flesh over duty and honour, but Angel says to him that he can’t know until he’s tested. Angel also says that the Oracles told him about Soldiers of Darkness ushering in the End of Days, and he feels something coming.
Doyle tells to Cordy what Angel experienced during that fabled day; she’s clearly disappointed that he didn’t tell her. They shouldn’t have secrets from each other. He knows his marriage to Harriet would have stood a better chance if they’d been honest. As he’s about to tell her his big secret, he has a vision, a bunch of human-like demons in dirty clothes, cramped. Cordy asks if they look like they can afford to pay.
A young demon girl is running in a deserted street with supplies, from the sound of organized footsteps. She trips, a demon boy from the same race gets to her, they run and hide, in a descending stairwell. We see a lot of boots jogging past them.
Angel and Doyle are searching the dilapidated demon hideout. There are a lot of signs of recent habitation, including food, still warm. Angel smells them, lifts a rug and opens the trapdoor underneath it. Pale half-demons, looking like the proverbial huddled mass, are hiding there. Angel is here to help them. A bit later the Elder of the of Listers tells Angel and Doyle how they gave all their money to a man who promised them safe passage out of the country. But the ship never came and they never saw him again. They’re heading to a small island where others of their kind have found sanctuary. They two half-demon run in, the older boy saying that “they” aren’t far and that they’ve lost half their supplies. The Elder inform the two that their prophesied saviour has arrived. Angel believes that there is a mistake but the Listers prophecy say very clearly that in the final days of the 20th Century a saviour will appear and save them from the Scourge. The boy, Rieff, is disillusioned, saying that nothing can stop the Scourge. Doyle is visibly shaken at the mention of them. Angel picks up on this and asks him what the Scourge are. He answers simply: Death.
ACT II
Flashback to L.A. a few years ago: Doyle, looking even rattier, is approached by a member of his own species, a Brachen demon, in his apartment. This demon’s clan need his help and they have no one else to turn to. They barely escaped from “them” in Oregon and they know they’re in L.A. Current day Doyle explains in voiceover that the Scourge is an army of pureblood demons, who hate half-breeds, hunt them down and exterminate them. They’re fanatics and they will die for their cause. Flashback Doyle wants no part in helping his brethren, he’s not into demon hiding, and they’re fighting something big, he’s not the type to take chances. The Brachen messenger implores him, while Doyle may not believe they have common roots, they do have a common enemy. When Doyle isn’t forthcoming with a response, the message is clear, the Brachen leaves. He’d only recently found out about his demon roots and wasn’t too keen on family obligations. He sleeps fitfully, his conscience gnawing at him, when he gets his first vision: the Brachens are being slaughtered. Not knowing if it’s a dream or a vision, he goes to find out. He locates their hiding place but is too late: it was a massacre, the Brachens, including women and children, are dead. No one was spared. Flash to now, Doyle insists they can’t fight the Scourge. Angel says that he’s going to help the refugees escape.
Cordy arrives to the hiding place driving a box truck. When the half-demons come out she panics until Doyle reassures her. Angel is out securing documents to get them out of the country. Taking Doyle aside she tells him she’s really confused about why they’re helping demons. Doyle insists that they’re not bad people and they need their help. He relays Angel’s orders to her: collect Angel’s debt from a freighter captain (once he takes them to safety, they’re even) and make sure the ship is ready. She’s shocked, why aren’t they collecting the money owed? Doyle puts things in perspective for her: oppressed people, not getting any safer.
Angel’s negotiating with a harbour customs agent (read extort), and making sure no one looks at the cargo. And if that goes wrong, Angel will know who to blame. The customs agent promptly stamps the documents,
Back at the hideout, Rieff, the young boy, has taken off on his won, and the little girl tells them he’s not coming back. Doyle leaves a set of instructions to the Elder, and has the girl tell him where he went. He quickly catches up to the boy, who’s walking away. Doyle tells him that he is old enough to make a choice to which Rieff answers that he can either be hated by humans or killed by purebloods. Doyle insists that Angel is the real deal, a hero, and that Rieff’s people chose to put their beliefs in Angel. Hoping that it goes away doesn’t work, and Doyle knows this. Rieff relents. Cut to a bit later they’re both heading for the freighter, and they hear the Scourge coming. We see them from afar: columns of uniformed demons. Doyle and Rieff run.
ACT III
Spotted, Doyle and Rieff run to an empty building. The Scourge, some of them with torches are searching methodically, destroying and rampaging. Doyle puts on his demon face and runs, diverting them from Rieff. He keeps running and is grabbed inside another building by Angel.
The Scourge, dressed in Nazi-like uniforms and the faces similar to the guards from “Anne”, are now inside the abandoned hideout. Angel, now vamped, drags in demonic Doyle to the Scourge Lieutenant. Angel wants to join, to cleanse himself of his humanity, and snaps Doyle’s neck. He wants to kill half-breeds and he can do it faster and better than any of his men. He’s dragged away. Rieff watches until they’re gone, sneaks into the hideout and find the seemingly dead Doyle. His eyes open and he snaps his neck back into position. They run for the freighter, Doyle back as human.
Cordelia is finishing to load the passengers. The Captain is anxious to go, already having his clearance, but agrees to wait when Cordy agrees to take off another 10 percent off the debt. The Elder thanks Cordy for all the help she, Angel and Doyle have provided, especially the latter, who understands their suffering, being half demon. Cordy swallows that: “Demon?!”
The Scourge are gathered to listen to Tiernan, their commander. He’s giving his speech on why they hunt for “mongrels”, that every vermin needs to be addressed and that they multiply, diluting their demon blood with humanity. Angel, now uniformed and vamped, is among (next to the Lieutenant) them listening to this. They found the Listers via a greedy first officer from the freighter. They invited him to witness the power of the Beacon. They pull out the big device, diamond-shaped, with an increasingly bright light. The light touches anything with human blood and kills it and when it detonates, it will kill anything with human blood for a _ mile in every direction. They test it on the first officer who burns and vaporizes. The Commander urges them to go on and deliver their message. Angel has very little time to act.
ACT IV
The Scourge run out, Angel falls behind, finds a pureblood and knocks him out, and steals his motorcycle.
At the freighter, all are waiting impatiently, when Doyle and Rieff come running. Cordy was worried about Doyle and then slaps him for not telling her that he’s half-demon. She reminds them about the “secrets are bad” talk. He wanted to but was afraid she would reject him; Cordy says she rejected him way before this, and she doesn’t care. She asks him when he’s going to ask her out to dinner, he starts to but Angel arrives (having found the time to ditch half of the uniform). He tells the captain he won’t find his First Officer and to cast off now. The Scourge convoy arrives, Angel orders Doyle, Cordy and the refugees to get below and lock the door. The Scourge begin craning up the Beacon, while the Lieutenant finds Angel on the deck. He fights them off several at a time and is left with only the Lt. They find hand to hand, both tumbling down the hold stairwell, they fight some more, Angel kills him. The Scourge lock them in and lower the Beacon, suspending it at the height of the scaffolding. Angel tells them the light kills anything with human blood. It’s fully armed and ready to detonate, but Angel believes he can still shut it off if he pulls the cables. It’s suicide, but he’s the warrior, there’s no other way to save them. Doyle tells him about the good fight, and that you never know until you’re tested. Doyle knocks out Angel, the latter plunging down a level. Doyle kisses Cordelia passionately, a bluish light shared between them. Doyle muses as he changes faces “Too bad we’ll never know, if this is a face you could learn to love.” Doyle looks to the beacon as Angel rises up, calls him out, rushes up. Doyle jumps and catches the railing. He’s on the Beacon railing, looking one last time at Angel and Cordelia he begins his pain reach for the cable, demon side fading, face peeling away layer after layer. He grabs the cables and separates them; he scream pierces the air and is taken by the light. The Beacon shuts off. Cordy cries into Angel’s arms.
Cordy and Angel are watching the tape of Doyle’s commercial, now oddly fitting “When the chips are down, and you’re at the end of your rope, you need someone you can count on. And that’s what you’ll find here. Someone who will go all the way. Who will protect you no matter what. So don’t lose hope, come on over to our offices, and you’ll see that there’s still heroes I this world” He looks off-screen at Cordy “Is that it? Am I done?”
Summary by Dannyboy
Quotes
Key: A = Angel, C = Cordelia, D = Doyle
C: Okay, we fade up on an aerial shot – downtown, skyscrapers, lights, yadda yadda yadda. We hear a narrator – preferably famous, maybe that bald Star Trek guy or one of the cheaper Baldwin brothers – and he says, “It’s a big, bad city out there.” Cut to a woman walking down a dark, spooky street – alone. We’ll cast some beautiful, young actress – maybe an up-and-coming starlet whose career is on the verge of taking off. Anyway, she’s all nervous, right? Mucho vulnerable. The voice guy says, “Danger lurks around every corner.” She’s attacked by big, ugly goon – with a knife! She screams, “Help! Is there no one to help me?” “Well, now there’s someone who’ll answer your call. He’ll protect you. Catch you when you fall. You can count on it.”
A(commercial): “And you can count on me. Because I’m the Dark Avenger.”
A: I’m the what?
C: I know a little something about self-promotion, and I’m telling you, one commercial like this could help get us out of the red… or the black… or whichever one means we’re broke. ’Cuz that’s us!
D: Advertising a super hero who can’t really go in the daylight might raise vampire suspicions. Not to mention our pesky lack of an investigator’s license.
C: And who needs a license when we have no clients?!
C: Angel is all wrong for this commercial! He’s a larger than life character, way too Braveheart for Joe Couch Potato to relate to. We need someone who’s average, run of the mill, ordinary . . . . you’re perfect.
C: Come over here into the light, and let’s see if we can create some cheekbones.
C: Our boss is in a funk. You know that he’s only happy when he’s fighting evil. Let’s drum some up!
D: I don’t know what we need evil for when we’ve got you right here.
C: I heard that.
D: Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low. . .
C: Rates!
D: It says rats.
C: I don’t know. I’m not getting Everyman. I’m getting . . . uh . . . weasel! We don’t want weasel.
D: I don’t know. I think people’ll be pouring in once they hear about our low rats.
C: I feel kind of hopeless with him down there doing the nonprofit brooding. It’s not like he has a heart. How can it be broken?
C: Maybe if we get him a costume!
D: A costume?
C: Well, the guy’s a bona fide hero. Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity?
D: I don’t see Angel putting on tights . . . . Oh, now I do and it’s really disturbing.
D: Is this a private catharsis, or can anyone watch?
D: There’s a girl upstairs who’s not quite sad enough to cry in me arms, but keep up the dark cloud. I might get lucky.
D: All right, one of us has been drinking, and I’m sad to say it isn’t me.
A: Buffy and I were together until we realized it couldn’t be. We don’t belong to ourselves. We belong in the world, fighting.
D: You had the one thing you’ve wanted in your unnaturally long life, and you gave it back?
A: Maybe I was wrong.
D: Or maybe Cordelia was right about you being the real deal in the hero department. See, I would have chosen the pleasures of the flesh over duty and honor any day of the week. I just don’t have that strength.
A: You never know your strength until you’re tested.
D: You’ve lived and loved and lost and fought and vanquished inside a day, and I’m still trying to work up the nerve to ask Cordy out for dinner.
A: The Oracles said something very bad is coming. Soldiers of darkness ushering in the End of Days kind of bad.
D: So much for the security of long-term savings bonds.
D: Well, if it’s a fight they want . . . can’t someone else give it to ’em?
D: Tell you what. You fight, and I’ll keep score.
C: Angel started the day over knowing he’d remember everything that happened?
D: It’s pretty amazing, huh?
C: Amazing he didn’t check the stock quotes or the lotto numbers!
C: Whoever you saw just now . . . did it look like they could afford to pay?
D: I punked out. I’d only just found out about my demon side. I didn’t know what it meant. The idea of sudden family obligations with guys that looked like big blue pin cushions, it was just a little bit too much to take right then.
D: These people are gonna need more than their mythic Promised One. A contractually obligated 500 might be a start.
C: While this may look like a < looks at item > popular brand of breath freshener, it’s really a cunningly disguised demon repellent!
*spritz*spritz*spritz*
Man: Wintergreen.
C: Hey, Doyle. You did notice that these people are demons?
D: Yeah, I know that. Doesn’t make them bad people.
C: Okay, mission statement check: Aren’t we supposed to be battling the forces of darkness?
C: So we’re booking them on a cruise?
D: Basically, yeah.
C: I’m guessing not Carnival.
C: This guy owes Angel money? Why aren’t we collecting?!
D: Cordy. Oppressed demon people here. Not getting any safer.
C: So we’re sending them on a cruise, *and* we’re paying for it?
Harbor Master: I could get into a hell of a lot of trouble doing this.
A: Not as much as if you don’t.
A: Big Randy told you about me, right? What I am?
HM: He told me you bit him.
A: Oh, I didn’t bite him.
HM: So you don’t . . .
A: I wasn’t hungry.
A: No one looks inside that ship or tries to stop it from leaving port. If they do, I’m going to be feeling it’s your fault. Then look for me to get a little bit peckish.
HM: *stamp* Have a nice trip.
D: You’re fast.
Reef: I’m walking. You’re just old.
C: Well, it’s not exactly the Love Boat, is it?
Reef: I though all Brakken demons had a good sense of direction.
D: Yeah, we’re also pretty good at basketball, too.
D: I think I hated that plan.
Captain: Angel said he’d cut my debt in half, I do him this favor, right?
C: Yeah, half. That’s what he said. A big whopping 50 percent. Uh-huh. Quite a deal.
Capt.: You take 60 percent off, then I wait.
C: You drive a hard bargain.
Man: He has to live with a certain amount of persecution. You always do when you’re half demon.
C: Demon?!
D: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. Thought if I did, you’d reject me.
C: I’ve rejected you way before now!
C: What do you think I am, superficial?! I mean, you’re half demon. That is so far down the list – way under short … and poor.
C: Is there anything else I should know?
D: The half demon thing, pretty much my big secret.
C: Good. That’s out. It’s done. Would you ask me out for dinner already?
Scourge Guy: You lied to us, half-breed.
A: You catch on quick, football head.
SG: Soon only the pure will be left standing.
A: Actually, Pure Boy, you’ll be on your ass.
D: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you’ve been tested. I get that now.
D: Too bad we’ll never know . . . if this is a face you could learn to love.
D: If you need help, then look no further. Angel Investigations is the *best.* Our rats are low. < Rates! > It says rats. Sorry. Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down and you’re at the end of your rope, you need someone that can you can count on. And that’s what you’ll find here. Someone who’ll go all the way, who’ll protect you no matter what. So don’t lose hope. Come on over to our offices, and you’ll see that there’s still heroes in this world.
D: Is that it? Am I done?
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