Out of My Mind

Writer: Rebecca Rand Kirshner
Director: David Grossman

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Michelle Trachtenberg as Dawn Summers, James Marsters as Spike, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles.
Main guest stars : Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers, Amber Benson as Tara, Mercedes McNab as Harmony Kendall, Bailey Chase as Graham Miller, Time Winters as the Doctor, Charlie Weber as Ben.

Original broadcast date : October 17, 2000

My one-line description: The official return of Captain Cardboard.

Buffy plunges her stake in the earth of a fresh grave just as a vampire is emerging (wow, the skill!). A few meters further, another vampire emerges, and she attacks it – but Riley comes out of nowhere, knocks it down, and stakes it. Before they can celebrate, a third vampire (gee, busy night) comes out of a grave… and Spike attacks it, but gets bloodied doing it. Wondering why she even bothers to show up, Buffy stakes the vampire and warns Spike she won’t put up with his interference much longer. Spike jokes that both he and Riley are in the way. Buffy – disgusted from seeing Spike taste his own nose blood – tells him to go home. However, as they leave, Riley does ask her if he got in the way… She assures him he didn’t although she is worried about him patrolling alone.

As he watches them leave, Spike promises that one day he’ll drink her blood. As he turns to walk away, he falls into an empty grave, spoiling his exit completely…

The next day, Buffy and Willow are actually having an intellectual conversation about a class lecture – to Willow’s amazement and joy. Buffy reassures her – Willow still wears the smarty pants in the family.

At the magic shop, Xander is building shelves while Anya helps Giles install the merchandise. Buffy and Willow arrive, and the redhead is immediately awed by what Giles has done with the place. Tara comments that they could have a palm reader in the shop, and Willow says Tara should so it. She offers Tara her hand to read, and asked what she sees, Tara answers, “Willow hands”.

Giles and Xander take Buffy to the back room, where Riley jumps out at her, playfully tackling her. Looking around, she realizes the room has been transformed into a training facility… Buffy loves it and thanks the guys.

That night, Spike lets a frightened Harmony into his crypt. She’s convinced Buffy is after her – actually, she thinks she’s Buffy’s arch-nemesis (hah!). She tells Spike she’ll do anything if he helps her – yes, she’ll even have sex with him. Spike points out that Buffy won’t stop until she stakes Harmony, and suggests that she just might have to kill the Slayer. He adds that there’s nothing he’d like to do better himself, if it weren’t for the chip… He finally accepts to help Harmony.

Buffy and Riley enjoy post-sex relaxation. He asks if she wants to relax some more, and she’s surprised that he’s ready so soon. He teases that she may be tired, but she says she has the endurance of ten men… and off they go again.

In the Summers kitchen, Joyce is preparing breakfast while Dawn is making a pest of herself, emptying all the cereal boxes so she can get the prize. Suddenly, Joyce seems dizzy. She asks Dawn who she is – then collapses. Dawn calls 911.

Buffy and Riley arrive running at the emergency ward where Dawn greets them, wearing a stethoscope around her neck – a temporary gift from an intern, Ben. He informs Buffy that Joyce is fine. As he tells her they don’t yet know what caused her collapse, Dawn listens to Ben’s, then Buffy’s heartbeats. Moving to Riley, she discovers his heart is racing at an incredible speed…

A doctor is finishing up her examination of Riley, who is sitting on a bed. She tells him she wouldn’t let him go with a pulse like that, but he refuses to stay. After she leaves, Buffy shows concern and tells him she’s worried that he’ll have a heart attack, but he argues that with all the Initiative testing, his heart just works differently from hers. They’re interrupted as Joyce and Dawn enter the room. Buffy hugs her mother, and they prepare to leave.

At the house, the girls make Joyce comfortable, but she’s worried about Riley – and so is Buffy, although she puts on a show of reassuring her mother. Later in her room, she paces around, feeling the Initiative is behind this. Willow points out that contacting the Initiative is out of the question, since the Initiative always denied its own existence. Dawn gives Buffy an idea – the Initiative may be spying on Riley, and she could say something where she knows they’ll hear her…

At Riley’s apartment – from which he is absent – Buffy picks up the phone, says “Riley’s in trouble. He needs help,” And then hangs up.

Despite his heart, Riley is busy getting sweaty playing basketball. Suddenly, he spots Graham, who introduces him to a couple of agents in civilian clothing. He’s there to tell Riley that he needs to get into an operation room now, but Riley isn’t too pleased with the thought of having the government poking at him again. Graham answers that Riley doesn’t want what will happen to him if he doesn’t come with them. He informs him that there is a doctor waiting to perform the operation, and that they’re not giving him a choice. Realizing this, Riley punches Graham unconscious and runs away before the other agents can stop him.

Later, Graham is telling Buffy what happened, making her angry. She demands to know what they did to Riley, and Graham finally spills the goods – hyperadrenal overload, among other things. He says that Riley is stronger than he should be and is feeling no pain, and that they’ve been trying to get him to come in and be treated for weeks. He tells her where exactly at the hospital the doctor is, should she find Riley. She promises she’ll get him there.

At the Magic Box, the Scoobies put together a plan to find Riley. Anya and Xander will check the docks while Willow and Tara go to Sunnydale High. Buffy decides to check the Initiative caves, but comments that she doesn’t know them that well. Giles suggests she get help from someone who does – Spike.

Spike and Harmony are busy playing Twenty Questions when a loud pounding is heard at the door. After quickly hiding Harmony, Spike lets Buffy in. She explains the situation, and offers him cash to get Riley to the fourth floor of the hospital. He asks for half front up, so she rips the bills in half, gives it to him and leaves.

At Sunnydale General, the doctor and Graham are waiting for Riley. When a tap comes on the door, they look relieved… But it’s Harmony, who knocks Graham out cold as Spike enters behind her. As she aims the doctor with a crossbow, Spike informs him that he has a new patient.

The vampires take the doctor to a surgical facility on campus. He protests that he didn’t perform the original implanting procedure, and that removing the chip could leave Spike a vegetable. The vampire, however, is confident that the doctor’s survival instincts will keep that from happening.

As Willow and a creeped-out Tara search the ruined Sunnydale High, Buffy searches the caves. Suddenly, she spots Riley pounding the rock with bloody fists; seeing her, he comments that it doesn’t even hurt. She stops him and tells him that they’re going to the doctor, but he doesn’t want to – he’s more powerful than he’s ever been, and convinced he can handle the danger. Outraged, Buffy demands to know what’s his deal; he answers that the government will make him normal again, and that it’s not enough… for her. He’s concerned that she’s growing more powerful every day, and that he can’t keep up. She asks if he thinks so little of her that he believes she spent the last year with him because he had superpowers. She pleads with him, saying she needs him, and finally Riley accepts. As she grabs him, he tells her that loving her is the scariest thing he has ever done. She answers that the doctor told said they didn’t have much time.

On campus, the doctor is operating on Spike as Harmony watches on. She asks if she can touch his brain, and Spike’s eyes fly open. “No”, he and the doctor answer in chorus. Harmony continues yapping away, and Spike threatens to yank out her tongue if she messes up the operation.

Buffy and Riley find Graham in the operating room at the hospital. He tells them it was Hostile 17 and a blonde girl. Piecing it all together, Buffy realizes Spike is trying to get his chip removed. Riley starts experiencing chest pains, and Graham warns them to hurry. After instructing Graham to have his guys search all the places the doctor could be, Buffy promises Riley he’s not going to die – although Spike’s number may have come up, as she will rip his head off.

Spike is describing how he’ll do the bloody backstroke in Buffy’s blood, as the doctor continues operating on him. Harmony smokes in the doctor’s face – and on Spike’s brain, and the doctor impatiently tells her that smoking isn’t permitted here. She puts the cigarette out, and the doctor announces that the chip is removed. Spike happily asks him to stitch him up – he’s got Slayers to kill.

Just as the doctor finishes the stitching, Buffy and Riley burst in. Spike and Harmony vamp out, and Spike informs the Slayer that the chip is out. “Means I get to kill you”, she comments. “You get to try”, he answers. And the fight begins, as Riley keeps Harmony busy while Buffy takes care of Spike. He manages to pin her down on the floor, but as he goes to bite her, he howls in pain… Riley clutches his chest and collapses; as Buffy runs to him, Spike looks at the “chip” the doctor removed – it’s a penny. “I told you I couldn’t do it”, the doctor says. Spike and Harmony escape while Buffy and the doctor take care of Riley.

As he runs through the cemetery with Harmony, Spike complains about the Slayer always being there; he’s convinced that her pet project is to drive him mad and make every day a torture for him. He smashes a headstone in anger, and grabbing a frightened Harmony, he decides that it’s got to end…

At the medical lab, the doctor has finished and cleaned up; Buffy asks Riley how he’s doing, and he says that he’s back to normal. She wants to make sure he’s fine, since she needs to check on her mother. He insists he’s OK, and she leaves. But Riley doesn’t look that OK…

A bit later, Riley and Graham walk together on campus. While conceding that Buffy is an impressive gal, Graham comments that Riley doesn’t belong in Sunnydale – he used to have a mission, and now he doesn’t. Riley unhappily walks away, mulling over what Graham said.

Buffy storms into Spike’s crypt and pulls out a stake, claiming that she should have done this years ago, he presents his bare chest and tells her to do it – to end his misery. However, Buffy doesn’t stake him… instead, he grabs her and kisses her passionately. She pulls away in shock – then kisses him, moaning that she wants him. He passionately tells her that he loves her…

Spike wakes up with a start, Harmony still asleep beside him. “Oh God no,” he says in horror. “Please, no!”

Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac -
“Riley *needs* cleaned out, and Spike *wants* cleaned out.”

Quotes

(B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, D=Daw, T=Tara, J=Joyce, Gr =Graham, H=Harmony)
—
B: Why do I even both to show up?

B: Spike, what are you doing here?
S: Same reason as you and your cub scout here, I wager. Wanted a spot of violence before bedtime.

S: And I should do what with my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?

S: Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy is entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I’ve got knitting needles he can borrow.
B: Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I’m too grossed out to hear anything you have to say!

B: You threw that vampire like he was a teeny-weeny little vampire.
R: Hey, you want to go again? Come on, I bet this place is just teeming with aerodynamic vampires.

S: I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice, and drink deep.

S: Ow!

W: Look at us - we’re arguing! We’re having a debate about a college lecture. I have dreamt of this day since… forever.

W: Should I be watching my occipital lobe?
B: Your what?
W: Occipital, the lobe in the back of your brain? You know, like, should I be watching my back? But, you know, the back of your brain.
B: Apparently not.

B: Don’t worry, Will, you still wear the smarty-pants in the family.

B: I’m starting to think this working hard is hard work.

B: I thought it was gonna be like in the movies – you know, inspirational music, a montage: me sharpening my pencil, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, ’cause in my montage, I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it’s starting to hurt my occipital lobe.
W: Aw, poor Buffy’s brain.

X: Yeah, blueprints, not a bad idea. That and getting straight, “measure twice, cut once.” You know, for the longest time, I had it backwards. Messy.

A: Who put the monkey head near the Styx water? Do we want to pick exploded monkey out of our hair?

W: Oh, I feel like a witch in a magic shop!

W: Ooh, are these real newt eyes?
G: No, too rich for my blood, I’m afraid. No, these are salamander eyes. It’s the cataracts which gives them their newt-like appearance. They’re really equally effective, though. It’s just a matter of overcoming snobbery.
X: I’m telling you, Giles. You’ve got to set up a blind taste-test and prove once and for all that generic amphibian eyeballs are just as good.

G: Shall we, then?
B: We shall then.

T: Hmmm.
W: What do you see?
T: Willow hands.

X: I’m the dummy man! I mean, I made the dummy.

B: You’re like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q all rolled up into one. Q from Bond, not Star Trek.

S: Oh, Pacey! You blind idiot. Can’t you see she doesn’t love you?

H: She won’t give up until she’s killed me to death.

S: Buffy’s looking for you?
H: Of course! That’s why I’m on the lam. Didn’t you hear? I’m totally her arch-nemesis.

H: Come on, Spike. Pretty please? I’ll do anything.
S: Anything, will you?
H: Yeah, I said I’ll do anything. Oh, you mean, will I have sex with you? Well, yeah.

S: Taking up smoking, are you?
H: I am a villain, Spike, hello!
S: I guess you are at that.

S: I guess you’re gonna have to kill her.
H: I tried! It was all hard and stuff. You do it.
S: I’d love to, but I can’t. Remember? I’ve got this cute little government chip in my head.
H: Oh, right. Guess it’ll have to be me after all. Can you help with the thinking?

B: Mmm. that was relaxing.
R: You, uh, want to relax some more?

B: Hey, I have the endurance of ten men.
R: Let’s make it women, okay? Just for the imagery.

B: You know, it takes a lot to wear me out.
R: Oh, I love a challenge.

J: You want the cereal prize, but you don’t want the cereal. You are growing up.

W: What about a crossword? Some people say feed a cold, I say puzzle it.

J: I feel silly lying here like a lump.
W: You can make a game out of it. A very quiet game about being a lump.

B: Call them how? First of all, they don’t exist any more, and secondly they never claimed to exist in the first place.

R: Very convincing. Makes me completely want to put myself under government control. Please, take me where they can make me unconscious and naked.

Gr: And, Buffy…
B: If you tell me to hurry, I’ll kick your ass.

X: Like, I had this friend once who really liked this girl, and he got all worried that maybe she didn’t like him back, and maybe that made him act like a total jerk. Maybe Riley reminds me of that friend.
W: What are you talking about?
X: Then again, maybe not. Maybe he just wants attention.

A: I care about you, Xander.
X: Thanks.
A: Don’t be insecure.
X: Thanks. I won’t.

B: You know what else he might find homey, in a dank, unpleasant, evil sort of way? The Initiative caves.

G: We do have an associate who knows those caves like the back of his melanin-deprived hand.

B: The guy’s really starting to bug me in that special “I want to shove something wooden through his heart” kind of way.

S: Is it bigger than a breadbox?
H: No. Four left.
S: So it’s smaller than a breadbox?
H: No. Only three.
S: Harmony, is it a sodding breadbox?
H: Yes! Oh my god. Someone’s Blondie Bear is a 20-questions genius!

S: Oh dear, is the enormous hall monitor sick? Tell me, is he gonna die?

H: So, what’d she say about me?

S: Little performance anxiety, eh, doc? Butterflies in the old belly? Harm, do us a favor. Shoot the nasty butterflies for the good doctor.

H: Oops. String was slippy.

W: Better to light a candle than curse the damn darkness.

T: How’d you do that with the light?
W: Oh, you know, you taught me.
T: I taught you a teeny tinkerbell light.
W: Okay, so I tinkered with the tinkerbell.

R: I go back, let the government get whimsical with my innards again, they could do anything that… Best case scenario, they turn me into Joe Normal. Just… just another guy.

R: Come on, your last boyfriend wasn’t exactly a civilian.

B: Don’t Psych 101 me.

R: Loving you is the scariest thing I’ve ever done, Buffy.
B: I don’t know why.

H: I read in a magazine that some women think a man’s real sex organ is his brain. Yecch. No contest. I mean, look at it. It’s so… pink and wriggly-looking. Can I touch it?
Doc & S : No!

H: Wow, Spikey, how does it feel?
S: Like someone’s cutting into my brain with a knife, you silly bint.

H: Do you know what it means that he can’t hurt any living thing? It means that he can’t even pick flowers.
S: What?! Yes, I can.

H: Is it supposed to do that?

S: Harmony, if your incessant prattling bollixes up this operation, I’m gonna personally rip out your pink and wriggly tongue.

R: How many fingers I got?
Gr: 17.

R: Hey, about before…
Gr: We’re good. Apologize later, if you’re not dead.

B: You are not going to die!
R: Bet you say that to all the boys.

S: Bathe in the Slayer’s blood. I’ve gonna dive in it. Swim in it. I’m gonna do the bloody backstroke.

H: I see it, Spikey, I see the chip! It’s nestled in there like a pretty little Easter egg, with your brain all around it like that green plastic grassy stuff. Only this is more of a beige…

S: Listen to me. My stomach’s growling, I’m so starved. I’m afraid I’m going to have to have me a little snack. Oh, don’t worry. I won’t fill up on the bread. I’ll still have plenty of room for the main course.

S: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she’s there. That nasty little face, that bouncing, shampoo- commercial hair. That whole holier-than-thou attitude.
H: Well, aren’t we kind of unholy by definition…

B: How’s it going in there?
R: Good. Back to normal.
B: Yep. And see? I’m still touchable.
R: Give me a week or so to heal, and I’ll take full advantage of that fact.

Gr: You used to have a mission. And now you’re what, the mission’s boyfriend? The mission’s true love?

S: Oh god, no. Please no.

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers